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holidays. holidays again, its something that can make me feel light. as i said before, ive been trying to turn my life into a constant holiday. ive been successful, or something close to that, but when the real holiday comes, i feel even better. people feel better, sound better, act better. doesnt that show us anything at all? is something wrong with the lives we r living? who am i to dare wonder such a thing? im nothing. or im everything. my dogs been so lovely today, more than the usual, even though she bit my index finger earlier. shes cranky but cute. its possible.

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i have a friend that might have lost the sense of feeling, i guess. theres absolutely nothing that can put him out of his misery. not exactly misery, but a constant feeling of emptiness and lack of 'inner fire'; he will not get excited about anything and with anyone. he was a little bit like that before too, but some things were able to do the job. its like used matches now. hello darkness, my new friend.

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one once said to never tell the world about your plans, but now im about to break this rule, and im not afraid of the curse that comes in doing so. also, few people might read this and if they do, it will be after it is concluded. its hard to type in the dark, i should get a keyboard light, if it exists. im about to face a fear, and even if this fear might be smaller in early hours, its still dangerous somehow. for others its just nothing. im listening to neil young on youtube now and he was a pretty starange dude with long hair and a pipe. but we have been mining for a heart of gold.

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theres something about summer holidays that clears the air up. its like saturdays and sunday mornings; u just feel happy and feel happiness around. u go to the patio and u feel smiles, laughters and light souls. when they end, and sadly they do soon, u start to sense angst again. its suffocating for u and for others, though some people  can hide it well or be unaffected by it. i wonder if its a bliss or a curse. im stil learning how to sort them out.

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it surely cant get much better than that.