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my texts dont seem to have meanings or concrete ideas, but this is not supposed to be visited anyway. its like a personal notebook that sometimes is remembered and opened. it takes a lot to make me write, or a little maybe. but emotions are always necessary. even the most nonsense text or picture posted here has a good or bad feeling underneath it.

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and when so many things rush into your head and u have no idea of what u should write about. that doesnt happen often with the one whos writing, but when it comes over it makes me at least have the wish to write. most of the times i cant express what i feel with words, but i guess the way i write shows it itself. curfews, fears, feelings, good ones and bad ones, friends, new friends, drinks, smokes... one overcomes the other in a matter of days or even less. like everything it can be a good thing or not. it depends on where you find yourself.

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it may sound random, but of all the coolest things we can find in our lives, singing is one of the top notch stuff. i kinda do it while driving, when online, when not paying attention to things... few things can face it, and an even lower number can defeat it. even karaoke can provide a delightful time.

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sometimes it just itches me to be something im not, and couldnt ever have become, maybe for lack of talent, or maybe for lack of hard-work. i should have become a soccer player, or a basketball player, or a rock star, or a samba ninja, according to my dreams and projections. these things are not usually fair, and they break your back every time you remember where you are at the moment. this is not a complaint or anything like that, really, cause ive been sailing cool seas for some time now. hope it continues and hope i never bump into a bloody iceberg that ruins my foundations.

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and we live to collect, save, spend and regret. thats the true life circle.

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i´m turning 27 and i still am a child. dont know if this feeling belongs exclusively to me or if other people feel that too. guess ill never truly know what other people feel, deaal with and think, and that doubt will keep me company forever. sure ive changed in some aspects, but my true natures been hanging out with me for as far as i can remember. hope to continue this way for a long time, cause i dont wanna change like some people i know have changed.

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and life goes on. every day you solve a problem and get another one. its been always like this, it seems. i dont think its a fair trade, but its something we get used to deal with as tears go by.  its never a quiet ride, but its rocky and you cant control it. you get rocky too, even if you dont want to.

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and i still remember my last night with her. she had no idea about what was ahead of her. she had just been having a regular day and i had been having a dog day. the roles had been exchanged. around eleven pm we ate a carrot-chocolate cake, and she had loads and loads of it. i just coudnt stop feeding her, and she was never full and never unhappy. that´s something she never was, and i hope, never is and will be. later we watched forrest gump and slept on the couch. the next morning i had already become a different person. dont know if for the best or worst. given the recent facts i guess for  the worst.

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she must understand that i admire hank moody cause of his lifestyle, and his car and his writing skills, and not for his hability to allure ladies and have pussies for dinner (and lunch and breakfast). i admit its hard to understand that, given that in every bloody episode you get to see hot chicks and their boobs, ass and silhouette. the show is awesome to follow and i would even consider not watching (fully) the naked-ladies-part. she must understand i respect her too.

'...and i can´t wait, till i get home, to pass the time in my room alone...'

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it all came back last night, after seeing this helpless lady dog abandoned (or lost, maybe) at the entrance of the 'school'. i wonder how a person can do this to someone that is always there for you and that does everything but make you feel bad. someone that misses you to the bones and would die and kill for you. but that´s another sad problem that some people make others face.

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sometimes even the littlest things have the power to make you happy for sometime. it can be writing in a blog, for example. i have this new blog now and even knowing it wont be anything it feels nice to update it. i dont know how long it will last but for now  it fits me nicely. however whats been keeping me fun currently is soccer. when i find a place with people to play with, its delightful. the next day is always hard but the feeling from the night before are worth a lot of pain or black eyes. and when you play well you feel like a pro. weird.

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on the surgery day she came to me when i got to the door. she couldnt stay up for a long time, but she managed to go say hi, lick me once or twice and head back to her corner. her legs were weak and her stomach were probably the site for crazy loops due to medicine, but she didnt stop herself offering me her love. thats another learned lesson.

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i dont think that luck can be avoided or desired. it just happens. well, in my opinion it just doesnt happen. dont blame a black cat for your bad luck: the thing cant do anything on that, according to normal conventions. actually we´ve been living in a place where luck has become nothing more than a myth, and thats it. blame your own actions, or blame the rules in which your actions have been settled. guess i´ve made my point here.

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this is my crying wall. at least it has been my crying wall for as far as i can remember. i only come here to cry and sometimes i try to disguise this fact by writing something different. even the pictures i end up posting are disguises for the usually depressive state of mine.

but this is not totally my fault, at least if you belong to the group that thinks we can´t control other people´s lives, nor the impact our deeds cause on others. i try to live my life positively, but this is certainly harder than it looks. we keep getting hit by problems that often dont concern us, and still we have to solve them, or at least live alongside them.

everyone has problems and i know it, but living with other people´s problems is enough and i will only write about my matters for now.

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have you heard of jeremy lin? if you havent, i dont care, but keep reading. this asian-descendence guy, who apparently knows how to play basketball very well, has risen from nowhere and now plays point guard for the new york knicks. he has been playing awesomely and nobody remembers that the team has got baron davis in the roster.

though hes had great high school years, he hasnt been offered a schollarship by any college and ended up playing for an ivy league university, harvard. hes graduated on some important course and, of course, played ball well enough to at least be selected in the second round of the 2010 draft, but that didnt happen.

he played summer camp leagues in 2010 and after good showing signed a one year contract with his hometown golden state warriors. even with a handful of good games played, he didnt see much court time and was waived in the end of that season. hes also played in the nbdl with big numbers.

later this season, after some injuries, the knicks were in need of a point guard. they saw on lin a good prospect, and it has been confirmed. after three games and three wins, lin has the averages of more than twenty ppg and 7 apg.

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my opinion on politics is pretty simple: it is something that has been created by the most intelligent person that has ever lived. this bastard must have been given a great amount of money or cows or lands by the richest fucker of those times. the creation was pretty simple, and was (and is) based on keeping people in a leash. this leash is velveted and doesn´t hurt phisically. pay attention: doesn´t hurt phisically. that richest fucker then became the first politician.

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kreuzberg, or cross hill, is a borough near the mitte in berlin. it has one of the lowest number of german citizens, if not the lowest, of the city, due to the high number of mainly turkish immigrants. Formed by jews around 1820, it was almost a rural area till industrialization made berlin grown fast. the area became a place for intense housing and rents were affordable to most people.

after world war 2 the place was destroyed and was kinda abandonned. since the reunification of germany (and even a litte bit before), kreuzberg, which was one of the poorest areas of berlin, has become an interesting place to immigrants, musicians and artists in general, cause the cost of living was low.

nowadays it's one of berlin's cultural centers, and besides thriving on it, still has high unemployment rates and the city's lowest average incomes. it's a 'young people' borough; the population has been completely swapped more than once in the last twenty years.

it's home to berlin's punk rock movement as well as other subcultures. every year it's held in the area the 'carnival of cultures', that includes music, food, street entertainment and craft stalls. ive been inspired by bloc party's 'kreuzberg' song to write this thing, and guided by wikipedia, as usual.

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the lady is restless. shes had several problems but she just cant stop. she is here and there and everywhere. she makes, bakes, cleans and saves. she wants to be perfect for us, descendents. these fucking donuts, oh my god. they remind of my childhood and still taste good. and it takes lots of time to prepare them. maybe she will live forever, we all hope.

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im a hypocrite. or a couch potato revolutionary. you choose what fits me best. i want a socialist society, but i still treat my car like a fucking baby. i say i want us all to be equal, but while i drive my brand new car, many people could eat for days with th money i have spent on it. does this fact go against my ideologies? who is right and who is wrong? what direction to go?

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i watched an episode of 'the office' yesterday and... its awesome. steve carrel is definitely one of the funniest man around. the way he impersonates michael scott is supernatural. ive watched the beginning of the second episode and the 'diversity day' part is something you dont see everyday. i wish i had a boss, or someone at work, like him. cant say much else about the show cause i havent watched enough, but when you see a good thing coming you know it from the very beginning.

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how do they sleep at night? ive started thinking of that right now. they take five thousand people out of their houses and put them in soccer courts. they give back the land to an obnoxious foreigner, who has broken the stock market in rio a few years ago (hey, changed my mind, he is a hero) and taken several jobs to the gutter. they fuck the lives of five thousand people in order to hand off that bloody city farm to 'the man'. and they still want us to believe thats a normal thing. there are some pretty nasty things going on right now. people protest and they spray pepper at them. people look for houses and they put them back on the streets. people stand toe to toe with the police and they rubber shoot you in the eye.

and right now, on globo, they laugh out loud. guess everything is ok anyways.

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yeah. definitely this will stick with me forever. all things remind me of you. all streets and local parks remind me of you. but if i only knew you´re better off now, i would relax and only keep good memories. but i have to know that, i have to see that with my own eyes. it seems like people do it on purpose: everywhere i look i see you. ive broken some promises i had made you, and now i feel what you felt the day i let them take you away. im deeply sorry. with all the purity left within me i hope they treat you like you deserve. i would live without a couch my whole life to get you back.

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sometimes i wonder whats happening on the other side of certain walls, and i dont mean anything sexual. i mean weird things. weird and dangerous. have you ever considered that your neighbor could have a gun? or that this same neighbor could be a child abuser? you never know what you may find out there. we dwell in a crazy place with crazy people. you may get shot in the head and not even see it coming.

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we have to do something, not only sit and watch. we have to face it, we have to escape from the hell hole we find ourselves. its about time we see it and bring it down.

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freestyling has never been my thing. i wish i could write non stop here but i just can´t. its pretty hard when youre not that creative or not that desired (not you, but your words). if i had like tons of readers i would write about every little shit that crossed my mind. but im lazy and my thoughts dont wander around that much; they keep on drinking at the same bar. so i dont offer you, my sole reader, more things to read.

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ill try to spice up this shit a little bit. inside im broken but theres no need to write only about that. the fact is i got nothing else to type about. oh, wait, i do have something: the tires of my new car. hell yeah, theyre pretty wide and driving has been more fun than ever. the car itself is not that bad too, to keep things humble. now im a happy person cause i got a better and prettier car. ive pushed the wheel of development. but im empty inside, as usual.

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i dreamed of you last night. i was kinda crying when i woke up. you looked sad and different. i just wanted to take you back home and put an end to this misery. that seems impossible right now but who knows? i miss you very very much and i really hope you dont miss me. you deserve to forget me. you deserve better. and i deserve this.

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life feels numb sometimes. and when this feeling comes, you have no idea how long it'll stay. guess some parts of the body get numb too. my eyes feel lazy and i cant see properly. you get to threat people bad and you dont know why. you get to miss people and this feeling wouldnt go away. you look around and find nothing to do, or nothing interesting, or nothing that wakes you up.